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Is Your Past Holding You Back?

1/7/2021

4 Comments

 
“Nostalgia is a seductive liar” - George Ball
Do you ever get stuck reminiscing about the past, longing for how things used to be? A time when life was easier, more fun, less complicated. If only things could be like they used to be. If only you could go back to college and relive those days- fully appreciating them this time before life got so….hard. 

Well I’ve decided to call BS on that.

“Nostalgia is a seductive liar.” 

Today I want to share a piece of my own journey and the things I’m learning about myself right now. What I’ve realized, in a nutshell, is that my memories are deceiving AND they have been holding me back from living my best life. 

I am 33 years old, I’ve been married for 3 years, last year we bought a house and moved to the suburbs. I have 2 bonus kids, 2 dogs, a 9:30 bedtime and an ever increasing amount of grey hairs that I’m covering up. Sometimes I look around and I barely recognize my life. I’m extremely happy and blessed, but it seems like life changed so drastically that I can barely keep up with it at times. 

For over a decade, my identity was being this young, slim, independent, career driven, never-settling-down, city-loving, fun girl (at least, this is how I thought of myself). Compare that to the list above of what my life is now and it just seems night and day. I’ve found myself feeling like I’ve lost who I am and almost desperate to get it back.

Over and over again, I say to myself, “I’m not as ___ as I used to be.” (in shape, fun, exciting, sexy, driven, independent, etc.) How did I become this boring, middle aged (that’s an exaggeration), homemade bread baking, mom?? My confidence has taken a big hit because of this and it honestly wears on me a lot. 

Until...one day recently I randomly looked at my old Facebook account (I’ve been off FB for about 3 years and it’s been glorious). I went through all the pictures of my twenties and had a response mixed with absolute horror, laughter...and so much happiness. Here are some things I realized:

1- Your girl was struggling. The outfits. The piercings. The tattoos. The fake tans. The EYEBROWS. It’s not at all what I remember. I died laughing, tears streaming down my face, and it was so good for my soul. I’m reminded that we remember things the way we experienced them and I thought I was hot stuff at the time. My memory has deceived me. I have so much peace knowing that aging has been SO good to me. I don’t want to look 21 again.

2- I forget the pain I was in. That’s another thing about memories- I tend to hold on to the good and release the bad. But looking through those pictures, I remember being in the club, posting pics while deeply in pain over some boy, but trying to show the world I was fine. My coping skill after a bad fight or break up was to get attention somewhere else and never, ever let them see you cry. I’m reminded how many times I cried alone though- something I haven’t done in 4 years now. I’m filled with gratitude. The idea that things were easier then is inaccurate. 

3- I had a shallow confidence. Here’s the thing-- 20 year old girls are told that they have permission to be confident and, let’s be honest, vain, if they are skinny but curvy, pretty yet natural, sexy, independent, and fun. I knew I could be confident because I was getting validation from all around me. I was so self-absorbed back then. I realize it’s totally normal for that age and stage of development, but I bet I was so annoying to those around me (sorry everyone). Part of why I struggle now with confidence (and yes, I do sometimes) is because I’m not sure what 30 year old's are “supposed” to be confident about. Our bodies have changed. Our lifestyles have changed. Our priorities are completely different. I think this is a huge problem for women that we need to discuss more openly. But I do know- I don't want that old confidence back.

4- And finally, as I’m looking back at these pictures, all I can think is... Man, I love that girl. 20 year old Julie was doing the best she could to navigate growing up, getting hurt, finding my path, and making the best with what I had to work with in a world that was telling her lies about who she was created to be. I was a hustler. I am proud of her.

But I am not her any more. I’m a grown ass woman now and those pictures helped me to stop romanticizing the past. I can’t tell you why it was so impactful for me but I felt an immediate release of the “I’m not as ___ as I used to be” because... it is so true.

I am better now.
I am wiser.
Kinder. 
More compassionate. 
I see the fruit of the spirit in my life.
And I am still growing.

THIS. This is what gives me my confidence now and I am fully giving myself permission to lean into that confidence this year. 2021- my year for growing and glowing. 

What memories are you holding onto that are holding you back?
​
4 Comments
led machines link
8/18/2021 08:00:21 am

All this has become fashionable in today’s times. Posting pictures and viewing the pictures posted by others is the favourite past time of the youth today. They inspire each other to look fashionable by way of such pictures and posts. They purchase fashionable clothes and visit happening places in their town and show it off via social media platforms.

Reply
Mariam Robert
2/11/2022 03:48:39 pm

I want to share my wonderful testimony how I got back my husband back, who I sworn ever to be with until when he left me to another woman for no reason and I try to make things work for both of us yet things were getting worse and I love him so much and there is nothing I could do to get my husband back until I saw a testimony share by a woman called Lauren from Australia on the internet talking about a powerful spell caster who brought her husband back within 24 hours and I decide to give it a try and to my greatest surprise he also did it for me just as he did for Lauren and I have a lot of people complaining of fake spell caster but this one I met was a real spell caster who help me to solve my problem I have no solution to, I introduce many of my best friends that have a similar problems, and their problem were solve with the great help of DR Jumba, who help them to get back their lovers within 24 hours. I am so happy that my husband is back to me again, and the most surprising thing is that our love is very strong, every day is happiness and joy. and There is nothing like being with the man you love. I am so happy my love is back to me with the help of DR Jumba . if you have similar problem I will advise you to contact him ,he is there to help you and put a smile on your face as he did to me and others you can also WhatsApp him +1(908) 517-4108 or Email him at : wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com or view his website for more review https://drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com

Reply
cecillia hills
3/1/2022 05:52:25 am

BEST AND URGENT LOVE SPELL TO GET BACK WITH YOUR EX HUSBAND/WIFE THROUGH A POWERFUL LOVE SPELL CASTER CALLED LORD ZULU CONTACT HIM NOW FOR YOUR TESTIMONIES. CONTACT HIM ON WHATSAPP NOW @+1(909) 781-4612. Hello everyone, my name is Cecilia Hills, I'm here to testify of a powerful love spell caster called lord Zulu, who helped me stabilize my relationship and solved all the problems that's been going on in my life. I was confused and devastated when my husband left me and my kids without a word, I needed him back because I love him so much, I told my friend about how he left me. So a friend of mine introduced me to this powerful and reliable spell caster who had helped her in getting her lover back, so I contacted him and he promised that in less than 24 hours he will come back to me. After I did all he asked, to my greatest surprise my husband who had refused to speak with me came to my house and asked for forgiveness for all he had made me go through and now we are living happily together, I will forever be grateful to you Lord Zulu if you have any relationship problem I will advise you to contact him now for your testimonies. Contact him on WhatsApp @+1(909) 781-4612. OR Email @ allsupremepowersolutionhome@gmail.com website: allsupremepowersolutionhom.website2.me

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Gloria thomas
3/29/2022 02:57:13 am

Hello everyone i want to testify of the great and powerful spell caster named Priest Jumba who brought back my ex who left me and got engaged to another girl,We where happy together when all of a sudden he just change he used to call me every morning and and night before going to bed but all that stopped when i call him he yell at me and told me he didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore i was so sad and confused i didn't know what to do then i went online to search on how to get back my ex then i found an article where someone was talking about how the great and powerful Priest Jumba helped her and she left his email address i took it and contacted him i told him my problem he only smiled and told me to relax everything will be OK i did everything he asked me to do and he assured me that after 24hrs he will be back,To my greatest surprise the next morning it was my boyfriend he came back knelling and begging for me to accept him back now we are so happy together he can also help you contact him on wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com https://drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com

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  • Home
  • About
    • Meet Julie
    • My Mission
    • In-Person & Virtual Counseling
  • Services
    • Therapy >
      • Anxiety Counseling
      • Trauma Therapy
      • Building Self-Worth
      • Christian Counseling
      • EMDR
    • Clinical Supervision
    • Fees
    • FAQ
  • Contact
  • Blog