My stomach turned and I wondered how I could email my way out of this. I think if she hadn’t walked out at that exact moment to call me inside (because no waiting rooms during Covid!) I would have bailed. “When did you know you needed to reach out to a therapist?”
Well...5 minutes before my client was due to arrive in my office, I found myself frantically trying to wipe away tears, fix my mascara, and make it look like I hadn’t just been bawling at my desk. That’s when. This particular client follows my (professional) IG account and I know she had seen me post earlier that week about the loss of a dear friend, so I’m sure she would have been understanding if she saw me having a moment. In fact, I think it’s important to let clients see that we are human and we don’t have our emotions under control every second of the day. However, we are trained to pack our stuff up and leave it at the door to be fully present with them, and I happen to believe I do it very well. In fact, I love being lost in someone else’s story so that I don’t have to think about mine sometimes. Here’s the thing: If you are a therapist and you haven’t done your time on the couch yourself, I worry for you. Not every profession requires you to have worn the shoe on the other foot. You don’t have to have experienced a heart attack to be a good cardiologist for example. But with our profession? I think it’s needed. So needed. And I think we are better therapists when we know what that level of vulnerability feels like. I pulled up psychology today and narrowed down my preferences. I’m fully aware that I only know my preferences because I know all the different options there are. I cannot imagine starting the journey of looking for a therapist without all the knowledge I have. The process is overwhelming.
This unicorn I was looking for didn’t exist, I was being way too picky. In fact, it didn’t populate a single therapist who I didn’t already have a professional relationship with. I had to let go of a couple of my expectations, and eventually landed on a therapist that is in the building next to mine who had an opening next week. Step One: Done. I spent the next week feeling absolutely silly and crazy. What did I even make the appointment for? There is nothing wrong with me. I shouldn’t need this. I’m actually fine. I don’t really need this. My life is not that bad. I seriously do not want to practice what I preach here. But nonetheless, I pulled up outside her office on Tuesday (with one minute to spare because I absolutely hate being early for appointments. It gives me anxiety) and I think for a moment “Wow- the people that come to see me are incredibly brave because I 100% don’t want to do this right now.” My stomach turned and I wondered how I could email my way out of this. I think if she hadn’t walked out at that exact moment to call me inside (because no waiting rooms during Covid!) I would have bailed. She leads me inside and I sit on her couch. I notice things I’m sure most clients don’t. How her chair is positioned closest to the exit for her protection in the event the client (me, right now) becomes violent. How the lighting is too bright in here and I pat myself on the back for the soft lighting I’ve set up in my office. I’m looking for something to tell me I’m not completely vulnerable here and somehow a slight criticism helps? I wonder what clients have criticized me for. I even notice how she sits, her body language, how hard she is trying to smile from behind her mask to make me feel comfortable. I immediately like her and I’m so relieved. I’ve seen two therapists in the past who I totally ghosted after the first session because I got a bad vibe from. Actually, they were probably perfectly nice, normal, and competent, but I wasn’t ready to be there. One lady exclaimed that my wedding ring was so “purdy” and I immediately wanted to end the session because I didn’t want to connect with her or her country accent. How insanely judgmental we can be when we are uncomfortable with ourselves. “What brings you in today?” There’s that big, open-ended question where I have to start somewhere when I have no clue where to start. I took the easiest way out and replied, “Because...2020?” She laughed, nodded in understanding, and gave me some validation. I thought back to what I wrote on her intake forms 30 minutes before I arrived (I’m a do-it-at-the-last-minute kinda client) which is for her biopsychosocial, but also to get me thinking about what I want to get out of therapy. The best way I can sum up what is bringing me in today is grief. 2020 has felt like loss after loss for me and the tears at my desk make me think that maybe it has finally caught up to me. The conversation flowed, but I was ready for the hour to end. I talked about things I didn’t expect to talk about- therapy works that way sometimes. I walked away with a lot to think about and a good feeling about seeing her again. Reaching out for help is hard. Getting started is hard. Opening up to a stranger is hard. But I know it is worth it. If you have found yourself wanting to do this but a million things have gotten in the way, I encourage you to reach out to me so I can help walk you through the process. I don’t have to be your therapist- I’m happy to help you find the best fit for you somewhere else. But I can certainly be a resource in helping you on this part of the journey. On the ride home I thought about several of my long-term clients who now walk in and say “OMG JULIE GUESS WHAT HAPPENED??” before they can even sit on my pink couch. They almost can’t wait to fill me in on their lives and they are so excited to share with me. I’m reminded that wasn’t how their first session was either and how long it’s taken for them to get there. And I wonder if one day I will be bouncing into Kristi’s office, ready to share, comfortable enough to cry, able to let her see me. For some reason the thought of that possibility makes me smile :)
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8/26/2021 03:44:24 am
Having earned great success, Davis decides to write to Levi Strauss, suggesting that they jointly apply for a patent; and Levi agreed. Consequently, in 1873, Levi Strauss & Jacob Davis are granted a patent on the process of riveting pants by the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office on May 20. It is patent number 139,121 and this is the invention of the blue jeans.
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Mariam Robert
2/11/2022 03:49:42 pm
I want to share my wonderful testimony how I got back my husband back, who I sworn ever to be with until when he left me to another woman for no reason and I try to make things work for both of us yet things were getting worse and I love him so much and there is nothing I could do to get my husband back until I saw a testimony share by a woman called Lauren from Australia on the internet talking about a powerful spell caster who brought her husband back within 24 hours and I decide to give it a try and to my greatest surprise he also did it for me just as he did for Lauren and I have a lot of people complaining of fake spell caster but this one I met was a real spell caster who help me to solve my problem I have no solution to, I introduce many of my best friends that have a similar problems, and their problem were solve with the great help of DR Jumba, who help them to get back their lovers within 24 hours. I am so happy that my husband is back to me again, and the most surprising thing is that our love is very strong, every day is happiness and joy. and There is nothing like being with the man you love. I am so happy my love is back to me with the help of DR Jumba . if you have similar problem I will advise you to contact him ,he is there to help you and put a smile on your face as he did to me and others you can also WhatsApp him +1(908) 517-4108 or Email him at : wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com or view his website for more review https://drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com
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Tom Peacock
11/23/2022 11:02:17 am
My name is Tom Peacock from USA, I want to say thank you to Dr Emu for the good thing he has done for me, Though am not sure if this is the best forum to show my joy and happiness for what he has done for me but i can't hide my happiness and my joy so i have to share it with people, my marriage got crashed about two years ago and i tried all i could within my power but to no avail. I saw a post and testimonial about the good things Dr Emu has been doing so I decided to give it a try. though he is always a busy man but when he responded back to my email, he gave me 48 hours for my marriage to be restored really just like he said my marriage was restored since then I am happy and i am living happily i am so grateful to Dr Emu you can always email him here: {emutemple@gmail.com} or WhatsApp: {+2347012841542}
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8/26/2021 05:38:33 am
Fashion is better now a day because every culture has a lot of varieties in their fashions. People mostly join fashion industry as a profession. Fashion industry is increase our scope and people attract their innovations in fashion style and they also adopt it very efficiently. Fashion makes us decent.
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Gloria thomas
3/29/2022 03:10:26 am
Hello everyone i want to testify of the great and powerful spell caster named Priest Jumba who brought back my ex who left me and got engaged to another girl,We where happy together when all of a sudden he just change he used to call me every morning and and night before going to bed but all that stopped when i call him he yell at me and told me he didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore i was so sad and confused i didn't know what to do then i went online to search on how to get back my ex then i found an article where someone was talking about how the great and powerful Priest Jumba helped her and she left his email address i took it and contacted him i told him my problem he only smiled and told me to relax everything will be OK i did everything he asked me to do and he assured me that after 24hrs he will be back,To my greatest surprise the next morning it was my boyfriend he came back knelling and begging for me to accept him back now we are so happy together he can also help you contact him on wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com https://drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com
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Jason Bennett
10/31/2022 11:45:13 am
Omg I Finally Got Helped !! I'm so excited right now, I just have to share my testimony on this Forum.. The feeling of being loved takes away so much burden from our shoulders. I had all this but I made a big mistake when I cheated on my wife with another woman and my wife left me for over 4 months after she found out.. I was lonely, sad and devastated. Luckily I was directed to a very powerful spell caster Dr Emu who helped me cast a spell of reconciliation on our Relationship and he brought back my wife and now she loves me far more than ever.. I'm so happy with life now. Thank you so much Dr Emu, kindly Contact Dr Emu Today and get any kind of help you want.. Via Email emutemple@gmail.com or Call/WhatsApp cell number +2347012841542
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